October 20, 2011


My Obason!!

October 5, 2011 the world lost a wonderful woman. October 5, 2011 two sons lost their mother. October 5, 2011 I lost my grandmother. I've had a few people over the years pass away, but nothing has hit me as hard as this. Up until the last 6 months, I never even thought of my grandma as old. She was always smiling, vibrant, and ready to take on the world. I can still hear her broken english, sweet little japanese voice in my mind. A sound I will never forget and hold close in my heart. This last week and a half has been a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. The night she passed away, I cried until my body wouldnt cry anymore. I felt the tears literally dry out. There was nothing left, I was almost too tired to cry. I woke up the next morning and almost...just almost...forgot what happened. It only took a couple minutes of laying there in bed to remember. The swollen eyes and pounding headache brought everything back rather quickly. I actually tried to go to work the next day, that didnt work out well. Sometime the day after she passed I decided that to contribute to her memorial service I wanted to put together a picture board to display. I also knew I needed to get out as soon as possible and see my dad. I felt like he needed me and for first time in my life I really needed him. I think the most complicated part was trying to explain everything to my two year old as simply and honestly as I could. I still dont think she grasped it but I did the best I could to tell her Grandma Nori went to be with Jesus and is living in heaven now and we wont be seeing her here anymore. The time we spent out there with my dad was great. Going through all the pictures was bittersweet. Joy and sorrow all at the same time, it felt great to do that for my Obason.

One thing I hold dear is that my little girl got to spend some time with her great-grandmother. Julia loved her Grandma Nori and was always happy to go spend time at her house.....maybe because Grandma Nori always had a little something for her when we got there;) It really wasnt until I had Julia that I was really excited and interested in knowing the Japanese part of my background. Maybe because I wanted to be able to share it with Julia and show her how proud she should be to be part Japanese. My Grandma was absolutely ecstatic to share everything with me and take me to these amazing Japanese stores that she loved to go too. Over the last few years she had bought Julia some pretty awesome Japanese dolls and a bunch of paper to teach me and her how to do the Origami, I still have the paper and am thinking I want to continue that for her and learn how to do it so that I can teach Julia:)

The service was absolutely beautiful. My grandma was a devoted buddhist and even though we didnt share the same religious views, it was amazing to see all the people she touched over the years. They have a tradition to honor a deceased where they burn incense and recite a prayer. I was absolutely blown away at the amount of people that went up and did this for my Obason, it was actually really beautiful. I've been to a few funerals over the years and this was first time I was part of the family sitting upfront. That was a really strange and surreal feeling. Standing upfront afterwards shaking hands and hugging people I may have never met but that knew who I was. People that shared with me what an amazing woman my obason was. People that told me how proud my obason was of me and how much she adored my little girl. It felt great but also left a hole in my heart because I knew at that moment I would never be able to hug her and tell her thank you for those kind words. All those wonderful things she showed me about the Japanese culture, she would no longer be able to show me more. But I know now that its up to me to continue it on my own. Its up to me now to make sure my daughter knows the beautiful culture she is a part of. I love you Obason and your memory is forever etched in my my heart!!!

June 28, 2011

Precious Times!

I cant even begin to express how precious this evening was with my little miss! She had a pretty rough day today, just sensitive and wanting her mama. From the minute we got home she was stuck to me like glue, I missed her so much and was so sad hearing what an emotional day she was having that I was absolutely ok with her being my little shadow. She asked if she could help me with dinner and I said definitely. Dinner was an easy one and I knew she would have fun helping. Grilled ham and cheese sandwhiches(@ Papa's request). She pulled up her little chair to stand on and her apron and was a big helper. I put seperated the cheese and ham slices and let her hand them to me after I was done buttering the bread:) I realized a few times that I was short some cheese onlt to look up and see her happily chewing away at my pre-placed slices...lol...this girl loves cheese! We had a eat as you go style dinner. She ate at up at the counter with me, happily dipping her sandwhich in ketchup, just like mommy:) My folks got home and while they had dinner and chatted about their days Julia and I headed to the couch for some chatting of our own, which ended in tickling and lots of giggles....my fav!

After dinner was cleaned up my mom and I decided to take her for a wagon ride around the neighborhood. She loves to be outside enjoying the fresh air, especially because shes been couped up in the house sick the last week. When we got back it was bathtime, lots of splashing and rubber duckie play:) Once we had our jammies on and our teethbrushed, this mama really took a walk on the wildside and shared a regular(by that i mean, not sugar-free) bowl of strawberry ice cream with my little princess. Then it was off to bed. Prayers, kisses, and bedtime stories. The night always seems to go faster then id like.

A few times during our night I thought to grab my camera and snap a few shots, like i normally do, but i honestly felt like it was so special I didnt want to interrupt it with, "say cheese, Julia" or "hold that up so mommy can see" lol just didnt feel right;) Nighty Night folks!!

June 22, 2011

Excited to see our flowers already sprouting!

June 14, 2011

Little Gardener!

So last night Julia and I planted her first little set of flowers. She got some flower seeds in her Easter basket from my parents and my mom had gotten some really cute animal pots that we could use. This girl had a blast helping me put the soil in the pots and pouring her little seeds in and helping me decide wear to put them. She got nice and dirty with the soil but, it was a really fun experience. I only got a couple of pics, as I was trying to help her not make too much of a mess;) She was so cute and so proud of the work she did. Now its going to be a learning experience for her to remember to water them everyday, actually i will be learning right along with her. Ive never kept a plant alive for that very reason:)

Planting her first flower:)

Proud of her work!