December 19, 2010

Back in the Game!

So I know its been a few months since Ive been on here, but what can I say? Its been a busy fall and so far a very busy winter. I started keeping a writing journal for Julia, which I love doing, and kind of forgot about this blog. Everytime I would remember and think to write, I would get distracted and forget. But I am back and hopefully will do a better job of keeping this updated, lets cross our fingers and see how it goes:) I could go back and update everything from September until now, but honestly I dont have the time or the desire too...lol:)

So yesterday marked Julia's 2nd birthday and I still cant believe my baby girl is two years old! She has brought so much joy to my life and I cant thank God enough for blessing me with the honor of being her mommy:) To celebrate Julia turning the big 2, I took her to Disneyland this last Tuesday, wanted to get it in before the rain came! It was just mommy and julia and we had a blast spending the day together alone enjoying all the fun. She was SO excited to meet all the characters and wasnt afraid at all, she went right up and hugged them all and said hi:) Mommy was very pleased! Yesterday she was showered with all her birthday gifts and I took her to chuck e cheese for a few hours to play with her daddy. As rough as this last two years has been with him, my little girl enjoys playing with him and to me, thats all that matters:) Later in the evening Me, Grandma, and Papa took her to Red Robin for dinner and dessert(their chocolate shakes are the bomb) and the servers sang to her and brought out the Tinkerbell cake I bought her. She was SO excited to see tinkerbell on her cake and dug right into the frosting. It was a beautiful day celebrating my little Noelle!







September 2, 2010

The Sovereignty of God ~ Pastor Greg Laurie, September 2nd, 2010

Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, "Why have you made me like this?"



— Romans 9:20


There was a sense that something big was about to happen on the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. The crowds thought "the Kingdom of God would begin right away" (Luke 19:11). Scripture does teach the Messiah will come and establish His kingdom on earth. That is still in our future. But Scripture also teaches, in places like Psalm 22 and Isaiah 53, that the Messiah first would come and suffer and die for the sins of the world. Yet that concept was largely lost on the people of this day.


They wanted Jesus as their king—as long as it was on their terms. They wanted a deliverer and a Messiah that would conform to their plan—instead of theirs to His. They wanted Jesus to destroy Rome—not their cherished sins or their hypocritical, superficial religion.


There are people like this today. They will sing the praises of a Jesus who will give them wealth, success, and personal happiness. But they recoil from the idea of a God who would ask for obedience, commitment, and sacrifice. They like God as long as He fits into their plans. But the moment He does something they don't like, they get mad at Him. It is okay to say we don't understand God. It is okay to ask God, "Why?" But we have no right to be angry with Him. And it is ridiculous for us to say that we are. Who are we to argue with God?


As Chuck Swindoll says, "God is able to do what He pleases with whomever He chooses whenever He wishes." This is called the sovereignty of God. We don't always like it, because it is not what we want. But God can do what He wants when He wants to do it.

August 31, 2010

Coldstone with mommy;)

August 23, 2010

Verse of the Day

Psalm 94:18-19

When I said, "My foot is slipping", Your love oh Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.

August 22, 2010

Aquarium

So yesterday Julia and I took a trip with my father to the Aquarium in Long Beach. We had a lot of fun and the weather was beautiful. Julia loved being able to put her hands in the water and touch the baby sharks and sting rays. Mommy was a little nervous to let her but she did a great job listening to me on how to touch them the right way. Im pretty sure that was her favorite part....oh and picking out her souveniers of course:) I got her a bag of the different sealife that we saw there (plastic ones of course) which she now is constantly carrying around the house. We also got her a stuff animal Sea Otter and a little cup with a straw. This was the perfect place to take Julia, because she is still so young she has a short attention span and wants to roam around and doesnt sit through all the shows and exhibits. The aquarium is small and only has a couple shows. Most of it was roaming around and getting to touch different sealife and Lord knows this little girl is very hands on and wants to touch EVERYTHING..lol....enjoys the pics:)


Recent Picture Slideshow

So here's a little slideshow of some fun we had last week, going to the park and ice cream sundaes to celebrate Julia turning 20 months:) Enjoy!


August 20, 2010

Julia is 20 Months.....

I know its a couple days late, but hey, I have a life:)

So Julia turned 20 months on Wednesday and its starting to make me a little sad that my little bug is going to be TWO in just four months! To celebrate her little milestone I put together a little goody bag from where else....Target! If you know me, you know that Target holds my heart! Julia even knows when we are at Target, when we pull into the shopping center she yells.....YAY TARGET! Sad, I know but I love it:) Anyway, it wasnt anything huge, just a couple of new books, a new plate and dish set, some stickers and a little indoor ball to play with. My mom decided she wanted to do something special too and came home with all the yummy ingredients to make Ice Cream Sundaes. She was in heaven, of course, and me being the sugar Nazi that I am had to work hard at just letting her go for it, the excited look on her face helped me get through it:) I love how much this little girl is loved, I got quite a few little text messages and notes saying Happy 20 Months to Julia, it felt really good in the midst of hard times to receive such love from some family and friends:) My main prayer and effort throughout this whole process is to make it as smooth and easy as possible for Julia and for her not to feel as though she is missing out on anything and I just want to thank some of you for helping in that effort with me!

My little girl is learning new things everyday and it amazes me how quickly she picks up on things. I was telling a friend of mine the other day that she is now starting to pray out loud on her own, so far its just a "Thank You Jee-us Amen" but hey that works for me and Im sure it pleases God to hear this precious little girl say Thank you to Him:) We also started doing a little devotional every night before bed and in just a short time she knows the routine. When I get her out of the bath she starts saying, "I read about Jee-us, mama, I read my bible". The book we got is so cute, its in biblical order and it comes with a cd so that after the short story you play a song that corresponds with what we just read.

I also recently bought of few of the dvd's from the Preschool Prep Series, Meet the Letters and Meet the Colors. I figure we are going to take it one at a time with these, I dont want to overwhelm her and I also am very adamant on making sure she is allowed to just be a one year old and play and have fun:) I also got her a pretty large size playdough set, so that is a really fun way for her to learn her colors as well.

I have some new pictures that I am going to make into a little slideshow, so hopefully I can fit some time in tonight to post it. Hope everyone is doing well, I know a lot of you have asked me about my facebook and if I am going to put it back up. The no facebook journey has been amazing and as much as I miss keeping up with some of you, eliminating that distraction for right now has been the best idea and the biggest blessing to allow me more time with the Lord and also more time to have one on one visits and chats with people I would have normally just posted a quick hello on their walls. I definitely am going to finish out the month without it and we will see what happens next month:)

Love,
Julia Noelle's Mommy

No Matter What...Kerri Roberts

I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why,


No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.


When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself, I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help, I wont even try it. I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you will be my strength,


Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s ok if You don’t, I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own, no matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You


This song among a few others has been a huge encouragement to me. I know that God can shield me from the pain of emotions that I have been feeling and the ones I have yet to encounter, but I know that if He doesnt, if He allows me to feel every bit of grief and pain I know that there is a reason for it and that He wants to use them to build Godly character in me.

August 18, 2010

Ice Cream Sundae to celebrate Julia turning 20 months:)

August 17, 2010

My eye is not on the dense fog, but on the living God, who controls every circumstance in my life!

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August 16, 2010

Streams in the Desert

So Im reading this small devotional right now called "Streams in the Desert" Its just a one page by date devotional that is all about going through trials and finding Gods peace and joy through these times. Ive only read a few days worth and it has already blessed me so much. Im also reading a book called "When Love Ends....and the ice cream carton is empty"....funny title I know but so far its great. Talking about emotional healing and making better choices and dealing with all aspects of the pain of a break-up. I was reading and looking into more parenting books, but I really feel like God is telling me I have that part of my life under control and that God is guiding me and giving me enough wisdom for raising Julia right now. That as much as I try to bury and ignore the emotions of going through a divorce and just focus all of my energy into being a mom, I need to dig deeper and deal with the hurt I am trying to pretend doesnt exist.

So here is a passage that totally blessed me today from Streams in the Desert.....

"The best things in life are the result of being wounded. Wheat must be crushed before becoming bread and incense must be burned by fire before its fragrance is set free. The earth must be broken before being ready to receive the seed. And it is a broken heart that pleases God. Yes the sweetest joys of life are the fruits of sorrow. Human nature seems to need suffering to make it fit to be a blessing to the world.Where would our faith be if not for the trials that test it? Or patience without anything to endure? Or experience without tribulations to develop it?"  LB Cowman

August 15, 2010

Julia has newfound love for playdough:)

August 11, 2010

"The Idol in the Mirror"

Pastor Greg Laurie....Daily Devotional....August 11th 2010


Jesus replied, " 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."



— Matthew 22:37–40


Oscar Wilde said, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." Indeed. And Whitney Houston sang, "The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all."
That we love ourselves is pretty much an established fact. I don't believe it is necessary for us to learn to do it.


Ephesians 5:29 says, "No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church." Some people worship their bodies. They worship every day at the First Church of the Perfect Physique. They just can't get enough of working out. It becomes addicting. They become obsessed with it. However, some people definitely could benefit from a little exercise. Yet there are others who certainly go overboard when it comes to their appearance.


A survey revealed that 94 percent of age 18-and-under girls wish they were more beautiful. And 85 percent of women over the age of 40 said they were not as attractive as the average woman. They feel this way because they love themselves. If they didn't, then they would be happy they were ugly. The truth is that we all love ourselves.


When Jesus said the second greatest commandment is "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39), He was not saying that we need to learn to love ourselves so we can then love others. Rather, He was essentially saying, ""Hey, you already love yourself. That is obvious. Love your neighbor in the same way. And love God even more."


So the sin is not loving yourself or caring about yourself. The sin is loving yourself more than you love God. And for some, their idol—their god—is facing them in the mirror every morning.

August 10, 2010

Year 26 begins.....

As I sit here and just ponder this last year, I think...Wow, I have been through a lot! I have seen a lot, experienced a lot and just been through a lot of life. God has allowed me too experience quite a bit of pain and disappointment, but more than that He has allowed me to experience a ton of good and I have grown so much from everything. I never thought that I would be in the situation I find myself in today but it definitely has allowed me to really know and experience the love of God. That although people around me may disappoint me and let me down, He will never leave or forsake me. The biggest thing in my life that has brought me so much joy and life is for sure Julia(big surprise). Seeing her little face reminds me everyday how much God has blessed me and that the good in my life definitely outweighs the bad. Everyday is a new adventure with her and she has taught me to really soak up and appreciate the little things in life. Being this little girls mommy has instantly changed my life and my outlook on everything. Every decision I make with her in mind and I pray God continues to give me wisdom in raising her.



Year 25 started out pretty rough, with Robert and I being pretty newly seperated and me starting the journey of single parenthood. Luckily, my parents have been such a huge help and support to me. I dont know where I would be without them. As much as I try not to rely on them to help me care for Julia, they are always there for me when I need a break and Lord knows we ALL need a break sometimes:)

In the last year I have experienced a deserting spouse, a loss of jobs, Julia entering toddlerhood, the discovery of a heart murmur, my aunts breast cancer which grew into amazing family unity, my stepdad being diagnosed with congestive heart failure, some family division, letting go of old friends and embracing new ones. Now as I begin year 26, I know the struggles are not over but that some of those year 25 difficulites have produced great love and strength....I begin this year with sadly, the beginning of a divorce, entering terrible two's, a cancer free auntie, a wonderful job and a group of cousins on my mommys side that have become closer than ever before. I am so grateful for the things God is teaching me about family, friends, and just life in general. Finding people that can encourage, love, and even convict you is so important. Whether blood relatives or new found friends and everyone in between these people in my life have made such a difference at my outlook on things. Most importantly is my focus to please and obey God. In everything I do, I desire to please God. As hard as it has been sometimes to not just give up and do things my way, perservering and doing things God's way has such a greater reward and I have so much more peace in my heart for the decisions I have made. I look forward to what God has in store for year 26 and know that as long as I am truly following Him, whatever fires lie ahead I will emerge "pure as gold".

Birthday love from the wonderful people i work with:)

August 8, 2010

Birthday Fun!

So yesterday we had a small bbq for my birthday. It was so much fun and just what i needed to relax and surround myself with some family and friends. I am so thankful for everyone that came and am sad for the few that couldnt make it, sorry it was kind of last minute but it was still a great time:) I am so bummed that i didnt get very many pictures, i was just so busy relaxin and spending time with everyone that I totally forgot. I did get a few towards the end of the night and made a small slideshow.

Here's to year 26! Excited to find out what God has in store. I finally feel like my life is starting to move forward and cant wait for what my future holds, with my little love by my side, of course!!



August 7, 2010

video Julia dancin with her cousin:)

August 2, 2010

A new vision.....

I feel that this blog has two purposes now. Number one, to share my experiences and wonderful moments being Julia's mommy! This little girl has changed my life for the better. I never imagined I could love someone SO much. She is in my every thought and decision and my goal for her is for her to know and love Jesus. I dont care if she has a college degree, lots of money or every success in the world. As long as my little girl desires to love and serve Jesus, I have done the job God called me to do in her. Of course i want her to know that education is important and i want her to strive to be her very best in everything she does, but I also know that I will stand before God and answer for the things I taught her of Him and at the end of this journey, my only desire is to hear my God say to me "Well done, my good and faithful servant". Number two, this blog is to share what God is showing me through this journey called life. My life has taken some crazy twists and turns, but God has been my constant and my focus. I know that as long as i keep my eyes on Him and what He has promised me, then I will overcome any circumstance that comes my way. Lately I really feel Him shaping and molding me. I feel Him stripping things that I need to let go of. Hurt and bitter feelings, family drama, and things that have been taking my focus away from Him. He has been showing me more and more that I am not of this world, that I am to be different and to not be suprised if people i thought were my friends or my family start to reject or push away from me. There are a lot verses that talk about this, but a few that stick out to me most right now is John 15:19 "If you were of this world, the world would love its own, yet because you are not of this world, but I chose you out of this world, therefore the world hates you". Luke 21:16-17 "You will be betrayed even by parents and brothers, relatives and friends. You will be hated for My name's sake". And 1 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers, for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" So i guess for me to feel this way from some people I should be rejoicing because it means I am doing something right! As difficult as it can be I know that God has a specific calling on my life and that to me is so much more important than fitting in and being accepted by others, because in the end I know that it will only matter what God says of me. Even through this hard process, I have made some wonderful friends that have the same goal and mindset that I do and it has been so awesome to share and encourage each other. There have been times of laugher, tears and convictions, but i have come to learn that the true Christian life is going to involve conviction and correction and the way to determine a true Christian is how they respond to that conviction from others. There have been times that I feel convicted and my first reaction is to be offended or to justify myself, but then i realize, maybe this is an area I need to change in, an area that God is using someone else to bring conviction to my heart and say I want to work on this with you. Once i realize it, I feel such a sense of love and care from God. That He loves me so much that He would take the time for me, to teach me and grow me in area that needs to change.

Sorry this post was so long.....in the few short days that I have been less distracted, He has already shown me SO much and I am so looking forward to what else He has for me!!

IN or OF this world?

Just a little devotional I found, kind of bringing home the last post about not being of the world:) Enjoy!


Question: "How can believers be in the world, but not of the world?"

Answer: When we read of the "world" in the New Testament, we are reading the Greek word cosmos. Cosmos most often refers to the inhabited earth and the people who live on the earth, which functions apart from God. Satan is the ruler of this "cosmos" (John 12:31; 16:11; 1 John 5:19). By the simple definition that the word world refers to a world system ruled by Satan, we can more readily appreciate Christ's claims that believers are no longer of the world—we are no longer ruled by sin, nor are we bound by the principles of the world. In addition, we are being changed into the image of Christ, causing our interest in the things of the world to become less and less as we mature in Christ. Believers in Jesus Christ are simply in the world—physically present—but not of it, not part of its values (John 17:14-15). As believers, we should be set apart from the world. This is the meaning of being holy and living a holy, righteous life—to be set apart. We are not to engage in the sinful activities the world promotes, nor are we to retain the insipid, corrupt mind that the world creates. Rather, we are to conform ourselves, and our minds, to that of Jesus Christ (Romans 12:1-2). This is a daily activity and commitment.We must also understand that being in the world, but not of it, is necessary if we are to be a light to those who are in spiritual darkness. We are to live in such a way that those outside the faith see our good deeds and our manner and know that there is something “different” about us. Christians who make every effort to live, think and act like those who do not know Christ do Him a great disservice. Even the heathen knows that “by their fruits you shall know them,” and as Christians, we should exhibit the fruit of the Spirit within us. Being “in” the world also means we can enjoy the things of the world, such as the beautiful creation God has given us, but we are not to immerse ourselves in what the world values, nor are we to chase after worldly pleasures. Pleasure is no longer our calling in life, as it once was, but rather the worship of God.

Recommended Resource: Balancing the Christian Life by Charles Ryrie.

I have to ask myself this question, everyday! Am I set apart? Am I different? Or do I fit right in? Is my desire to stand up for God or to just keep that aspect of my life on the down low? Am standing with one foot in the world and one foot with God?

Matthew 12:30 He who is not with Me, is against me. He who does not gather with me, scatters abroad.

Revelation 3:15-16 I know your deeds. That you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot, but because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold. I will vomit you out of my mouth.

July 29, 2010

Distractions......

So, with everything going on in my life right now, I have really felt God tell me that I need to focus on Him and the things He is doing in my life. I have been praying that God would show me the areas that I am being distracted in, and that God would reveal those things that I am putting above Him. One thing that I feel I have been pretty distracted with is Facebook. Dont get me wrong I love being able to keep in contact with friends and family and I dont think there is anything wrong with it, but I myself have allowed it to become a distraction in my life. Its on my computer and its on my phone, everywhere i go, i can be on facebook posting and cking out stuff and by golly I am!



So.....after much prayer and advice and conversation with some friends, I have decided that it needs to go. Im not sure if it will be a permanent change, God hasnt really made that clear to me yet, but I do know it needs to go for at least a month or more. I know it will be hard because I cant help but show off my little girl and all the things she is into but I know that it will bring such a feeling of freedom once its been done. I will still keep this blog up so that i can on occasion share recent pictures and events that Julia and I have going on. But most of all to share what God is doing in this process of stripping going on in my life. I also have a personal email feel free to contact me that way if you want.

lesliecbanks06@yahoo.com




Please pray that I would rely on God for strength and that I would fight the temptations to cave in on this decision.





July 27, 2010

We love Summer

Summer has been a busy time for us......
Beach trips
Zoo trips
Family events

It is fun to be busy but I feel like I am at a time in my life now, especially with Julia that I like to make sure we have at least one day to relax and spend quality time together at home. Because I work during the week, Sunday is usually that day for us. We have church in the morning and then we usually just chill the rest of the day, which is nice for me because its a day of rest before i go back to work the next day and its when i can honestly say Julia and I have the most precious and fun times:)
This coming month seems pretty packed so forgive me if i dont blog much after this for awhile. It seems that every weekend is booked through August and I get a little stressed thinking about it but I just need to take it one day at a time. We've had a lot of fun this summer so far and have much more planned, I love the warm weather and being to go outside with Julia to the pool, or beach or just around the neighborhood exploring:) Enjoy the pics so far form this summer.....more to come....


















July 26, 2010

Its a crazy life, but its mine!

So life these days for my little girl and I has been really good. We have had our difficult moments with everything going on, but God has truly blessed us and shown His provisions over us again and again. There are times when I feel so alone, but in those times I seek God and He shows me that I am not alone. He is with me and He has given me family and friends that I know are there for me and continue to support me and my daughter through this trial.

Ok so enough about that yucky stuff......

My little Noelle is now 19 months old and growing bigger and smarter everyday. I cant believe how smart she is sometimes. I took her to get some pictures done for when she turned 18 months and also because it was right before 4th of July we did a patriotic theme. I posted a few of those below:)


I am so thankful to God for blessing me with a healthy and happy daughter, she continues to amaze me more and more everyday and there are times I wonder what I did to deserve this little girl and for God to trust me to take care of her and raise her. Julia loves to pray for just about everything....dinner, randomly throughout dinner, bedtime, when she wakes up, and in the car:) So far all we get is some mumbles and a "Thank You Jee-Us, Amen. Which is fine with me, i love to hear and can only imagine the joy God has hearing his precious little creation Thank Him. Her vocabulary is off the chart, her pediatrician is amazed at how much she talks and how clear she is. She is a constant chatterbox and is determined to be involved in every conversation going on..lol.

Some things I love.....

I love our little routines....
I love singing in the car....
I love to hear her call me "mommy"...
I love when she tries to read her books...
I love to read her bible with her...
I love dancing around the living room...
I love quiet days at home...
I love park days...
I love to watch her play in the pool...
I love to watch her walk around in my heels...
I love when she says "cancakes?"
I love when she calls for her Papa and Grandma...
I love our trips to Target...
I love to see her make friends...
I love to watch her learn new things...
I love when I am the only one who can soothe her...
I LOVE BEING JULIA'S MOMMY.....







July 6, 2010

Late Nite Thoughts

I wrote this last night while laying in bed praying and thinking and feeling God tell me something specific about raising my little girl. Thought i'd share:)


So i do this thing at night before i go to sleep, where i pray for my little girl. Honestly, it wasnt something i planned or came up with. Just kind of fell into a little habit and i thank God it did. I pray for her future, her health, and all the hopes and dreams i have for her. I pray for myself, that as i raise her alone for now that God would come alongside me and be me guide through this journey. I pray He would show me those areas in Julia that need to be corrected and disciplined, that He would help me to do those things in love and in a way that she would understand.

Lately i have been hearing a phrase used for little girls by friends, family and media that at first i giggled about and thought, yea Julia can be that at times too. Its the word ''diva''. In my prayer time tonight, God totally convicted me about that. Diva, is the absolute LAST thing i want my daughter to be. I want my daughter to be meek and humble. I want people to look and see Jesus there. This world is full of divas and little divas to be. Why would i aspire or laugh at or encourage my little girl to be that way. Of course, i love that she tries on my heels and walks around the house with them, i love that she points to her clothes and mine and says ''oooo pretty''....and i love that she has a mind of her own sometimes, but i pray God would help me know where to draw that line. Where and when to show her to submit and be that meek and mild little woman of Jesus! I pray he would continue to remind me to pray for my child, to lift up every little request on my heart about her:) Thank you Lord for entrusting this precious child to me!


June 16, 2010

Trusting God....with a side of paranoia!

So I am sure you are wondering, what is that title all about? And I dont like to sound drama, but that is exactly how I am feeling right now! I havent really shared this with many people, because at first thinking about it and talking about it brought tears to my eyes and I just didnt want to go there! But now that I have really prayed about it and am taking those necessary steps to trust God and know that He is in control, i am much more at peace, but still a little scared in the back of mind...hence...Trusting God....with a side of paranoia!!



Last month at Julia's check up, the Dr was listening to her heart and heard what might be a heart murmur. She said it may be nothing but I dont want to take that chance, better to be safe than sorry. She said its nothing to get panicked about, that people live with heart murmurs there whole lives and are absolutely healthy and fine. But there are cases where it is a serious problem that needs to be fixed. Naturally, i was absolutely terrified and balling like a baby! She said that she would put in the refferal to send Julia to see a pediatric cardiologist and i would get the approval in the mail telling me who to call for the appt. I then made a huge mistake and went and looked up online heart murmurs and discovered all the horrible things it could mean(of course ignoring the small sections saying it could mean absolutely nothing). Well over the last few weeks I just kind of kept it to myself and my parents and just tried to take it before the Lord and seek Him and trust Him. As my heart started to calm down, the approval came in the mail and all that fear and worry came rushing back to me! This time instead of freaking out and denying it, I did what I should have done in the first place. I reached out to a few of my close friends, one of whom has a daughter who had to have heart surgery before she turned a year because of a hole in her heart. She was the perfect person to talk with me and reassure me, thanks Tanya:) The other of whom is always there for me when i need prayer, even if its through an email, thanks Sara!


I called to make the appt a couple days ago and their next available was October 12th!! I was like WHAT!?!?! Can she wait that long? What if something is really wrong? FEAR..PANIC...ok, calm down and take a deep breath! The nurse on the other line was so non-chalant about it, saying it was considered a routine exam and that if i wanted too, i could call Julia's Dr and make sure that that was ok or she could call and make it a priority and Julia should be seen sooner than that. I called and spoke with the refferal nurse and she said she would call the cardioligist office and see if she could get Julia seen earlier, if anything to subside my concern and worry! I think she could hear the panic in my voice....lol! So I am supposed to hear back from her in the next few days!





So as I wait for her appt to come around I am in constant prayer that God would keep my heart calm and trust Him knowing that he created her little body and is in total control. It of course being the sap that i am has made me think about how much Julia has grown over the last year and a half and what she truly means to me and how much I absolutely am in love with her! So please continue to pray for me and my precious little girl:) I posted a couple recent pics of my little hammy girl, enjoy:) She loves to make mama laugh!!





















June 1, 2010

No Way!




So my little "angel" has a new favorite phrase. Im not quite sure where she learned it but i know it was not from me;)Lol.... As of yesterday her favorite thing to say is "No Way" to just about anything. It started out quite funny, but it soon turned into a defiant little comment. I would ask her to do something and her response was "no way", i had to spank her yesterday and she was crying or should i say screaming...No Way!! Oh my goodness, I guess mommy has a new habit to break! Because as cute as it may sound sometimes, I definitely dont want her telling people, No Way!!

May 24, 2010

What is motherhood to me?


There isn’t a simple answer.


Motherhood is tiny fingers holding your thumbs, The many mommy badges on your favorite clothes or camera in my case. The selflessness and innocence, the learning and teaching, the belonging or maybe those beautiful eyes that look up at me. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew there was someone other then me, someone more important then I am. For the most part the pregnancy was enjoyable. The delivery not so much but the second she started moving in my belly -- I loved her. My heart has never beat the same. The way I think, things I do, everything is for her. As it should be. I have grown just as much as she has in the last seventeen months. I’m not going to say motherhood is easy -- it isn’t. There are ins and outs just like anything else. She cries, wines and throws temper tantrums -- I think it’s cute but lets face it, it can get a little nerve wrecking after a while. Especially when I have a headache or am tired from a busy day at work. Julia is no longer a baby, I can’t get over how fast she has grown up. I remember the day she was born like it was just yesterday. Now she has a little personality and the faces to go with it. She’s talking and pretty much understands everything you say to her, It’s whether she wants to listen or not that you have to worry about. She is the light in my life. She just turned 17 months a last week! I look at her baby clothes from when she was a newborn, sometimes, she was so tiny! I can’t believe she fit them. I can’t believe my baby was that small. I remember the first time I held her, I was so nervous, scared to hurt her or do something wrong. She would cry and all I wanted to do was pick her up regardless of her really needing something or not. She has always been a Mommy’s girl. Motherhood is walking out of the grocery store leaving a cart full of groceries behind. Repetitive teaching. You don’t want to say ‘No’ but what else can you say? Most of the time you’re saying no with a smile on your face because she’s just too darn cute when she does something wrong and knows it. Motherhood is......Whatever makes them smile you will find yourself doing. Itsy Bitsy Spider for the 18th time, her favorite book, (Im Glad Im Your Mother) one more time. Spending your money on her and not yourself -- and enjoying doing it, too. Toys covering the floor but you don’t care because if you did you‘d pick them up 10x a day....lol. Self sacrifice is the biggest of all the learning curves I have gone through with my daughter. My heart grows a little more every time I see her face smiling, smirking. I wouldn’t change this for the world.

May 13, 2010

What motherhood has taught me so far........

So, I am just a month shy of having an 18 month old baby girl, and I feel as though I’ve learned a lifetime of things that I could have never even been exposed to, had I not become a mother. The saying "having a child is a life changing event" is always true, but I never took the time to see how life changing it really was for me other than the physical symptoms (you know, lack of sleep and the random bruises from toddler play).


I’ve learned that my heart can experience feelings I never imagined, from pure joy to stone cold fear and everything in between. Who would think that something so small could invoke such huge emotions? Especially in someone like myself who liked to "stop and smell the roses" but never really took time to appreciate the smell.


I’ve learned to be young again. The man or lady who is giving me the strange face while my daughter and I sing itsy bitsy spider down the aisles of Target, doesn’t really understand how to play without rules. It’s OK to sing Happy Birthday in the bathtub and to run up and down the hallways singing and dancing to Elmo singing Splish Splash:)


I’ve learned that boogers happen. From the runny noses to the big green booger monsters, they happen to everyone, there’s no reason to be grossed out by them anymore. Besides, anything that my kid can eat and not cause instant projectile vomiting, I’m OK with. And yes, boogers fall into that category.


I’ve learned that I will never be the mother I thought I would be. There were times I was certain I would fail as a mother and other times I was certain I’d be Carol Brady meets Jill Taylor (remember the mom from Home Improvement?). Thankfully, neither really came true, I became my own style mother and certainly didn’t fail, at least not yet. But I’ve realized that a lot of my preconceived notions about motherhood were either false or just something that could be worked around.

I’ve learned that I can still be who I am and be a mother, cherishing both but not separating them into two different identities. Seriously, I have enough psychological issues to worry about without trying to give myself a split personality. I take great pride in being a mother, whether I am playing with my daughter at home, while I am in a meeting at work or while I am having sushi with a girlfriend. Being a mother isn’t something I shut off and I can’t imagine why anyone would want to.


I’ve learned that I can face most anything when given the right motivation. And imagine, that little girl that yells no at me, pinches me and makes me gag with diapers is that motivator.....lol. I’ve killed spiders that I typically wouldn’t have been in the same house with, let alone touched.




I’ve learned that no matter what life brings I am responsible for me and my own and that these are lessons I want to pass on to my child and that no matter what parenting guides tell you or what your friends say, each lesson learned is different for each and every mother.
I’ve learned that every moment is special and no matter how much you try to set up the perfect portrait session, only to have it ruined last minute because your daughter was super cranky, didnt take the nap you thought she would and then proceeded to have a major explosion in her diaper -- it’s special! Or even the smallest moment when they grab you by the cheeks and give you a big open mouth bass kiss can be bigger than Christmas morning.


I’ve learned that I have learned a lot in the last year and a half. And I look forward to what the rest of this journey has to teach me.

May 11, 2010

Mothers Day 2010

I hope everyone had a beautiful mothers day! Mine was wonderful and relaxing:) Pedicure with my mama and grandma. BBQ and family fun. We went to church and listened to a beautiful sermon on mothers. He said something to me that I just had to share with everyone. I have known some parents over the years that have put many things above teaching their babies about Jesus. Careers, Hobbies, Education...etc...

"Your child knowing the bible is more important than your continuing education. Your child’s spirituality, than your personal accomplishments. Your child’s soul, more important than a defined body and clothes. Your child’s eternal life, than your success in this life. Your child’s relationship with Jesus, than your popularity in this world. Your child’s standing before God than your social standing in this world." -Pastor Terry Hlebo


I know that one day I will stand before the Lord and be resonsible for what I chose as important to teach my child and if her knowing the Lord isnt at the top of the list, shame on me. There is nothing wrong with teaching them about the importance of education or the importance of being a good member of society, but I want to go above and beyond that and raise a disciple of Jesus:)

He talked about the importance of reading the bible, not only you reading it, but reading it to your babies. There are so many good books out there about parenting and even christian parenting but the Bible is different than any other book and should be top priority. I am guilty of this at times. I love to read books about where Julia is at developmentally. Toddler books, discipline books, learning books, and all those things are ok, but is my first priority to raise her according to what the bible says?

I was so convicted and encouraged by this study and I am so excited to get down to what is important. Being that Godly example for my daughter to see and mimic. Teaching her that God is always to come first in her life.

May 8, 2010

Play and Learn Class!

Last night Julia and I had our very first Play and Learn class. Its a lot like mommy and me and preschool all wrapped into one. I was so happy to find a class like this that is in the evening, most of the classes I would find were during the weekday and I work during the day so that would be impossible. Come to find out the teacher of this class works during the day as well and just had a great desire to do a class like this for parents that work, so what a huge blessing that is:) There are about 10 other kids in the class, so I was so excited to see a good turn out for a Friday evening. They started the class by letting the kids chase some bubble around and start to interact with one another, while the Ms Tabatha explained what the class was going to consist of. Numbers, Letters, Colors, Shapes, Story-time, Arts and Crafts and Singing Songs. All of the things that I try to do with Julia at home. I am just happy she is going to be able to learn and also interact with other kids, that was pretty much my main reason for signing up for the class. After Bubbles we went around the room and introduced ourselves and our little pride and joys. Since Mothers Days is Sunday, for arts and crafts they made little flowers and butterflies to give to us. Ms Tabatha also handed out these adorable handmade pins that say Mom. Julia had a blast sticking the letters and decorations on her butterfly:) After arts and crafts they all went to the carpet for some singing and counting time. They sang Head Shoulder Knees and Toes, one of Julias favs, there a pic below of her participating by putting her hands on her head:) They also sang Itsy Bitsy Spider, another of Julias favs, she says...pider mama..pider:) They practiced counting from 1-10 and then from 10-1 and even sang the alphabet song:) After song time she rounded them up for a little story-time, in honor of Mothers Day she read a mommy and baby book called, Love You Forever, this little book got me kind of emotional even though I had read it a thousands times before, I hadnt read it since having Julia and the words mean so much more now:) Ill love you forever, Ill like you for always, as long as im living my baby you'll be!! It was a great start to her first class and I loved watching her interact with the other kids. Enjoy the pics!!